I don’t know anymore. There’s no path ahead of me, or if their is its hidden in the darkness and shadows; all that lies behind me is memories of things that once were, glittering gold with the knowledge of being better than anything that could come. The reflection that stares back at me gives nothing away, the glassy green eyes hold no soul anymore. I need your help and you walked out the door too long ago, never even casting a backwards glance.

The possibilities of all the chances I never took runs through my head with a bittersweet tone. I can look to my past and pinpoint the exact fork in the path that lead me to where I am today. And I worry that i veered the wrong way, and what lays miles and miles away; is the grass greener ? Or is it bleak and barren ?

I wish I was important to someone. I hate being so worthless, most days I am clueless as to why I have to walk this Earth. All I am is a waste of space. I wish I could vaporise into nothingness.

This aid you use as an escape will only destroy you further. But you can’t help yourself, its like a forbidden fruit, so tantalising to the lips. But you’ll keep falling, down into the dark abyss you’ve been vainly attempting to evade. You know what it is you need to do. Then why is it so hard ?

Stupid me, momentarily forgetting I’m not worthless. What could he want from you, you are nothing. This is you’re fault, just a reminder you’re a meaningless shell of a human being.

The water teeters on the cups edge, threatening to flow over. Drip, drip. The liquid breaks it boundaries.

I am a waste of space. 

I can’t help myself. It’s like a magnetic attraction, I’m always drawn to what I shouldn’t be. Getting myself into a tangled web of chaos and disarray is my favourite pastime. I don’t want someone to rescue me, I don’t want a life of pleasant conformity. Every now and then though, I pause to contemplate how others would be effected. But only for a split second, and then i jump, head first.

I don’t even know what to feel anymore, what to think. Everything’s so fucked up and i don’t want to be here anymore.

Do we all feel this way ? Do you wake up every day and feel one step closer to the end ? We’re condemned to walk this Earth for a lifetime, only to dissipate into oblivion. Somehow I can’t see the point in opening my eyes each morning. Putting each foot in front of the other day in and day out seems futile.